I Lost 40 pounds from good diet and half marathon training
I had meaningless sex with a couple of different guys who don't live here
I joined a non-profit organization
I got high for much of the winter
I have started writing more.
I have spent countless amounts of money on drinking and watching live music, all resulting in new friends and good times.
I joined a radio show (or was given an open door policy)
I redecorated the master bedroom, bathroom and kitchen
I got a dog, black lab mix
For someone who was dumped 5 months ago, I seem to be doing well.
Last night I went to a great music show, drank the routine amount of Crown Royal with Diet Coke, went downtown to a pizzeria, ate 2 slices of pizza and a chocolate dipped canoli and then proceeded to drive home tired and not yet sober. Once home, I threw off my shirt dress and concluded a very fun evening by passing out on my beautiful cloud of a bed. So far so good.
This morning, I woke up feeling like a loser, like my life is out of control. This isn't the first time I have woken up feeling this way. I could feel the the entire space between my mind and my heart swelling, feeling sore. I decided that this is the place where my soul lies. The chamber of truth. The one place that paints a real picture of us all, despite how one's life is displayed on the outside. My soul has been in conflict with the surface.
I long to be honest about myself and how I am feeling at this point, long after my boyfriend and I parted. After five months, your friends don't want to hear about it anymore. I would share my woes via networking sites but I'm afraid that would be counterproductive to actual socialization. No one is truly allowed to be less than great on Facebook without being seen as "psycho" or "emo."
Now enters "The Authentic Place." I am writing this blog anonymously. I hope it will help anyone looking for an honest reaction to the good and the bad we all experience in our lives, with respect to recovery from loss and starting anew. I am happy that I now have a place where I don't have to omit, lie, exaggerate or put up a front.
Authentically: Released
