The word "single" is no way to define a person, even if he or she is single.
Single is a word that now swims in the same negative connotation pool as fat. It implies a sad state of being that begs for the opposite, like taken, in a relationship or married. Just as calling oneself big boned does nothing for the self esteem, there seems to be no good alternative to "single." That is why we should not be defined by our social state. It is very hard to do since Nicolas Sparks will not quit his day job, and unless you hide it, Facebook declares to everyone you know whether or not you are seeing someone. I would say put away the romantic books and movies, but sometimes they are as much a necessary guilty pleasure as chocolate and pedicures. It is important, though, to be aware of reality.
"Are you seeing anyone?"
Ugh. A question I would rather not be asked (unless Daniel Craig himself was asking me so that he could make a move). If I was catching up with friends this question would not bother me so much, but from family? Dreadful. Colleagues? Dreadful. Strangers you have no romantic interest in? Dreadful. New people at a party? Dreadful. Why is this a go-to question? Do we suck that much when it comes to conversation?
ALTERNATIVE QUESTIONS:
"How is life treating you?"
"You look really happy! What's your secret?"
[Mention what cool thing you have done lately. Then ask] "Have you been doing anything fun lately? What keeps you busy?"
So, what to do if someone asks you "How is your love life?" A normal body of conversation is usually diseased with this question. I prefer to reply with what I have going on. For example, "I have been keeping busy with finishing my doctorate and I recently got a job with a university. My dog has gotten really big and I have to run him all of the time to wear him out so I am getting really great exercise. With school winding down I have had more time to do some writing and reading books, like Vonnegut novels. I am pretty happy." Generally, one of these things I say will derail the conversation. If this person is defiant on a specific answer I would make it a point to make that person feel like an ass. Harsh, I know.
ALTERNATIVES TO THE RESPONSE: SINGLE
"I'm happy."
"I am a busy person."
"I'm involved in my community."
"I'm having fun with my friends/family/pets."
"I'm traveling a lot and living an adventurous life."
"I'm taking a class in [fill in the blank]"
"I'm writing a blog about this very thing."
One other thing that gets rubbed in our faces: Celebrations of being in a relationship. There is only one counter attack, you must celebrate yourself. Celebrate NOT being in a complacent, controlling or abusive relationship. Throw a party for 6 months free of codependency. Invite your friends to a bar for cocktails celebrating however many hours of community service you did. Knock yourself out celebrating whatever for whatever! Celebrations are not just for couples.
Coupledom and marriage is not the be all and end all for living the best life possible. You life should be great without someone else in it. It requires the same kind of effort we all used to put into making ourselves look nice for our potential significant others. How did we used to be so lame? No matter.
Some people don't have a problem with defining themselves as single. Truthfully, I don't have a problem with the term as much as I have a problem with what people may assume about me when I say I am single. I guess I went on this rant because of a conversation I had with a friend earlier today. We both happened to reach a point in our lives where we finally think, "I just don't give a shit." What's wrong with that? I'm a girl who has a great life. I look great, I feel great, I'm constantly surrounded by people I love and there is always something fun and exciting or tranquil and relaxing to do. The rest of my life could go on like this and I would be okay with that. This is a great place to be.
Authentically: Complete
4.17.2012
9.21.2011
How To Move On
I'm sad to say my latest relationship has ended. It ended about two months ago.
I began to write an emotional account of what happened, but I erased it all. I remembered one of my old professors in college saying, "Focus on the solution, rather than the problem." So rather than a novel about the demise of me and my boyfriend and how torn I was, I offer to write the 10 best ways I have learned to get over a breakup.
1. Cry. Don't try to "be strong," feel what you feel when you want to feel it. You get a "cry when you want" FREE card for at least the first couple of months, depending on the length of relationship or the severity of the split.
2. Have a support system. Your mom, a friend or a roommate. Just have someone in your life (that you are not "full of shit" to) that you can always call or see. Call a therapist or counselor if you don't already have one. This helps take the heat off your loved ones and for the love of God-don't unravel on your favorite online social network ESPECIALLY if your ex or any of his friends are on there. His ego is not the one that needs boosting!
3. Get busy. You have a lot of emotions that you used to channel toward someone who isn't there for you anymore. Volunteer or do community service. In the end you will not only feel great for doing a good deed, but this may also help put your life into better perspective.
4. Clean your room. Not half way. Not everything clean except your desk. Clean your entire room. You have no chance of escaping the chaos that is your life when you wake up in chaos everyday. Organize everything, rearrange the furniture, buy houseplants or flowers, get new bed sheets/pillows, get new wall art or rearrange what you have.
5. Buy new lingerie, do your hair, shave your legs, buy a new perfume, make your face look nice (better skin regimen or makeup), wear great shoes ALWAYS, wear interesting accessories, always put together a great outfit, etc. This is NOT for the next guy. This is for you. It is nice to step out of the house knowing you are hot stuff.
6. Angry much? Channel your anger into physical activity. Run, swim, go to a spin class, try kickboxing (a post-breakup favorite), etc. Avoid allowing that anger to go toward your friends and family, especially the ones who will love you no matter how awful you are to them. Those wonderful people in your life do not deserve ill treatment, take it out on the pavement! Put the "move" in "move on."
7. Have perspective. Remember, it takes two to end a relationship. Find out where both parties did a great job in the time you both were together, find where both parties messed up. Use this information to shape your standards for yourself as well as the next guy who comes along.
8. Having a bottle of your favorite liquor or wine on hand is perfectly okay. Drinking PLUS calling or seeing your ex? Not okay. This extends to Facebook and stalking.
9. Your sex drive may go through the roof. You may choose to click the mouse or get a vibrator (if you have no moral objection to these things), etc. Avoid having one-night stands and rebound relationships until you are truly mentally stable. Even if you are mentally stable, don't you deserve better than a one-night stand? Yes you do. (though I'm not judging)
10. Now is NOT the time to be friends with your ex. Take him off your social websites, pack away all of his gifts and memories for now (store them at a friend's house so you are not tempted to look) Give yourself time to be back on your feet, back to 100%. After YOU are better, then you may gradually invite your ex back into your life. You may find after all of this time you can't be friends and that is okay also. Some exes just can't be friends.
BONUS!
Lastly (this is the most important advice I have to give), ask yourself, "What if I were to be single for the rest of my life?" Seriously. What would you do to be happy today? What would you do to be happy tomorrow, the rest of the week, the month or the year? Make plans to be happy! Please, for the love of God, don't walk around looking for a guy that completes you or the guy you feel fulfills your life. Relationships SHOULD BE for the sole purpose of enhancing what is already a great life! The sooner one acquires this attitude, the better.
The unavoidable? Loneliness. It happens from time to time. No one is superhuman to this, it is a natural feeling. The best way to combat this is with good friends and family, planned activities, pets, new trades, new environments, etc.
Authentically: On the mend
I began to write an emotional account of what happened, but I erased it all. I remembered one of my old professors in college saying, "Focus on the solution, rather than the problem." So rather than a novel about the demise of me and my boyfriend and how torn I was, I offer to write the 10 best ways I have learned to get over a breakup.
1. Cry. Don't try to "be strong," feel what you feel when you want to feel it. You get a "cry when you want" FREE card for at least the first couple of months, depending on the length of relationship or the severity of the split.
2. Have a support system. Your mom, a friend or a roommate. Just have someone in your life (that you are not "full of shit" to) that you can always call or see. Call a therapist or counselor if you don't already have one. This helps take the heat off your loved ones and for the love of God-don't unravel on your favorite online social network ESPECIALLY if your ex or any of his friends are on there. His ego is not the one that needs boosting!
3. Get busy. You have a lot of emotions that you used to channel toward someone who isn't there for you anymore. Volunteer or do community service. In the end you will not only feel great for doing a good deed, but this may also help put your life into better perspective.
4. Clean your room. Not half way. Not everything clean except your desk. Clean your entire room. You have no chance of escaping the chaos that is your life when you wake up in chaos everyday. Organize everything, rearrange the furniture, buy houseplants or flowers, get new bed sheets/pillows, get new wall art or rearrange what you have.
5. Buy new lingerie, do your hair, shave your legs, buy a new perfume, make your face look nice (better skin regimen or makeup), wear great shoes ALWAYS, wear interesting accessories, always put together a great outfit, etc. This is NOT for the next guy. This is for you. It is nice to step out of the house knowing you are hot stuff.
6. Angry much? Channel your anger into physical activity. Run, swim, go to a spin class, try kickboxing (a post-breakup favorite), etc. Avoid allowing that anger to go toward your friends and family, especially the ones who will love you no matter how awful you are to them. Those wonderful people in your life do not deserve ill treatment, take it out on the pavement! Put the "move" in "move on."
7. Have perspective. Remember, it takes two to end a relationship. Find out where both parties did a great job in the time you both were together, find where both parties messed up. Use this information to shape your standards for yourself as well as the next guy who comes along.
8. Having a bottle of your favorite liquor or wine on hand is perfectly okay. Drinking PLUS calling or seeing your ex? Not okay. This extends to Facebook and stalking.
9. Your sex drive may go through the roof. You may choose to click the mouse or get a vibrator (if you have no moral objection to these things), etc. Avoid having one-night stands and rebound relationships until you are truly mentally stable. Even if you are mentally stable, don't you deserve better than a one-night stand? Yes you do. (though I'm not judging)
10. Now is NOT the time to be friends with your ex. Take him off your social websites, pack away all of his gifts and memories for now (store them at a friend's house so you are not tempted to look) Give yourself time to be back on your feet, back to 100%. After YOU are better, then you may gradually invite your ex back into your life. You may find after all of this time you can't be friends and that is okay also. Some exes just can't be friends.
BONUS!
Lastly (this is the most important advice I have to give), ask yourself, "What if I were to be single for the rest of my life?" Seriously. What would you do to be happy today? What would you do to be happy tomorrow, the rest of the week, the month or the year? Make plans to be happy! Please, for the love of God, don't walk around looking for a guy that completes you or the guy you feel fulfills your life. Relationships SHOULD BE for the sole purpose of enhancing what is already a great life! The sooner one acquires this attitude, the better.
The unavoidable? Loneliness. It happens from time to time. No one is superhuman to this, it is a natural feeling. The best way to combat this is with good friends and family, planned activities, pets, new trades, new environments, etc.
Authentically: On the mend
3.02.2011
Retrospective: Red Lipstick
The first time I ever wore red lipstick, I got laid.
The very second that tube of MAC lipstick touched my lips I became someone else. Someone more confident, sexy, irresistable-someone who could catch any guy of her choosing. Red lipstick, my very own version of Clark Kent's phone booth.
Years ago, long before I would ever dare wear any color on my lips (let alone RED), I questioned my best friend about why she would ever wear such a bright red over her brown skin. I would always say, "I could never wear that color." She replied, "I think it's all in the attitude."
Ding! Ding! Ding!
"...IT'S ALL IN THE ATTITUDE."
She was right. I went shopping and once I got the right shade it was only a matter of believing I looked great in it. It helped that the lovely makeup artist at MAC was so complimentary.
"You could turn a gay man straight right now." -Blaine (MAC artist)
Why did this work? Red lipstick doesn't work for everyone. Some are alluring with barely any makeup at all. This could not have simply been about the lips.
Months later, after much thought I realized I was right, the red lipstick was nothing but icing on the cake. It worked because I knew I was fun, smart and beautiful. It worked because I knew I had great hair and a unique fashion sense. It worked because I only went out to have fun with my friends, meet new people and experience life. No agendas, no expectations. I was already a really, really good cake.
...and then, you know, boys like icing with their cake.
The red lipstick was an elegant bow on a nice gift, but not the gift itself. I remember an attitude I harbored before I met my ex-boyfriend and after we split up. I would tell myself, "I may not find the man of my dreams for the rest of my life. I must consider that as a possibility." I asked myself, "What if I that was to be true? What would I do for myself to be happy today? For the rest of the week? The month? The year? The rest of my life?"
It was usually after these evaluations that I would really take care of myself, do things for myself, make great plans for myself. I believe this is also what made me attractive to the next couple of guys. Oddly enough, I have been fortunate to have landed a significant relationship every time I treated myself this way.
As for the lipstick, it still works. I am in a meaningful relationship and I love my boyfriend, but it is nice to know I can still turn heads.
Authentically: Workin' it
The very second that tube of MAC lipstick touched my lips I became someone else. Someone more confident, sexy, irresistable-someone who could catch any guy of her choosing. Red lipstick, my very own version of Clark Kent's phone booth.
Years ago, long before I would ever dare wear any color on my lips (let alone RED), I questioned my best friend about why she would ever wear such a bright red over her brown skin. I would always say, "I could never wear that color." She replied, "I think it's all in the attitude."
Ding! Ding! Ding!
"...IT'S ALL IN THE ATTITUDE."
She was right. I went shopping and once I got the right shade it was only a matter of believing I looked great in it. It helped that the lovely makeup artist at MAC was so complimentary.
"You could turn a gay man straight right now." -Blaine (MAC artist)
Why did this work? Red lipstick doesn't work for everyone. Some are alluring with barely any makeup at all. This could not have simply been about the lips.
Months later, after much thought I realized I was right, the red lipstick was nothing but icing on the cake. It worked because I knew I was fun, smart and beautiful. It worked because I knew I had great hair and a unique fashion sense. It worked because I only went out to have fun with my friends, meet new people and experience life. No agendas, no expectations. I was already a really, really good cake.
...and then, you know, boys like icing with their cake.
The red lipstick was an elegant bow on a nice gift, but not the gift itself. I remember an attitude I harbored before I met my ex-boyfriend and after we split up. I would tell myself, "I may not find the man of my dreams for the rest of my life. I must consider that as a possibility." I asked myself, "What if I that was to be true? What would I do for myself to be happy today? For the rest of the week? The month? The year? The rest of my life?"
It was usually after these evaluations that I would really take care of myself, do things for myself, make great plans for myself. I believe this is also what made me attractive to the next couple of guys. Oddly enough, I have been fortunate to have landed a significant relationship every time I treated myself this way.
As for the lipstick, it still works. I am in a meaningful relationship and I love my boyfriend, but it is nice to know I can still turn heads.
Authentically: Workin' it
12.01.2010
Retrospective: Chaos
I made plans in August of last year to visit a friend of mine, Jess, in South Texas. She lived near Houston, I lived near Dallas and we planned to meet in San Antonio and make loads of terrible choices. That was the plan anyway. One week later, my boyfriend dumped me. Upon hearing this news, Jess jumped in her car and drove straight up to see me. She is a selfless person like that. She stayed in town for a couple of days, we went out for meals for the most part and she was there to talk me through what felt like a death in my family. Well, something did die.
For two weeks after the break-up, I slept on a day bed in the front room of my house. I couldn't sleep in my room, the place where it all ended. The place where I had planned to do a silly half naked dance for my boyfriend, vulnerable and without a care in the world (because I got to see him finally after a really busy week), but was delivered a crushing blow instead. Jess slept in my bedroom while she stayed at my house. Each day she would ask me if I wanted to clean my room, which was a catastrophe to say the very least. Calling it messy, unorganized and gross barely scratches the surface. Each day the plea to clean it became more and more desperate. I did not understand why until she was in tears.
"Chaos," she said, "You're life is in utter chaos and you are waking up in chaos everyday. This is the one place you need to be the most put together, the most calm. Otherwise your environment will perpetuate whatever is going on in your life. I am begging you, let me clean your room. You need this."
She was right. Beyond right. The work began. It took two days. We piled up and threw away trash, shredded documents, bought crates, picture frames, shelves, baskets, candle holders, candles, statuettes, house plants, wall art, new bedding and a bookshelf. Everyday after waking up, I made my bed. clothes were never dropped on the floor. For two whole months, my room became an oasis of tranquility, a safe place, spotless from corner to corner. That was the first time in my life that I had ever taken care of my space like that. Later followed my bathroom, living room, car and my purse. Everything became clean organized and spotless.
I remember sobbing in my newly cleaned room. It was different than crying in the mess I had before. After collasping on my bed and staining the duvet with my tears, I would stare out the window at a tree waving about over tall grass. I was sad, but I knew I was somewhere designed to heal me. I needed this specific lifestyle while my heart was on the mend. A hospital for my soul.
Why only for two months? To be discussed later. For now, I raise my glass to Jess, my break-up Superwoman and one of the best people I could ever know.
Authentically: Thankful
For two weeks after the break-up, I slept on a day bed in the front room of my house. I couldn't sleep in my room, the place where it all ended. The place where I had planned to do a silly half naked dance for my boyfriend, vulnerable and without a care in the world (because I got to see him finally after a really busy week), but was delivered a crushing blow instead. Jess slept in my bedroom while she stayed at my house. Each day she would ask me if I wanted to clean my room, which was a catastrophe to say the very least. Calling it messy, unorganized and gross barely scratches the surface. Each day the plea to clean it became more and more desperate. I did not understand why until she was in tears.
"Chaos," she said, "You're life is in utter chaos and you are waking up in chaos everyday. This is the one place you need to be the most put together, the most calm. Otherwise your environment will perpetuate whatever is going on in your life. I am begging you, let me clean your room. You need this."
She was right. Beyond right. The work began. It took two days. We piled up and threw away trash, shredded documents, bought crates, picture frames, shelves, baskets, candle holders, candles, statuettes, house plants, wall art, new bedding and a bookshelf. Everyday after waking up, I made my bed. clothes were never dropped on the floor. For two whole months, my room became an oasis of tranquility, a safe place, spotless from corner to corner. That was the first time in my life that I had ever taken care of my space like that. Later followed my bathroom, living room, car and my purse. Everything became clean organized and spotless.
I remember sobbing in my newly cleaned room. It was different than crying in the mess I had before. After collasping on my bed and staining the duvet with my tears, I would stare out the window at a tree waving about over tall grass. I was sad, but I knew I was somewhere designed to heal me. I needed this specific lifestyle while my heart was on the mend. A hospital for my soul.
Why only for two months? To be discussed later. For now, I raise my glass to Jess, my break-up Superwoman and one of the best people I could ever know.
Authentically: Thankful
11.28.2010
Eat, Drink and Be Married?
I have been with my current boyfriend for about 5 months now. He's cuter, sweeter and better in bed than my last boyfriend. Yet, I am uneasy about something. It seems that the sooner a guy jumps into dating you after his last relationship, the quicker he is likely to say "I love you." We say "I love you" all of the time and I am pretty sure he wants to marry me. At least that is what he says. I am pretty sure he believes what he says too. I'm glad I am in his life to teach him better than that.
I have been harassed by relatives about settling down for a month now. Why is marriage the goal? What is the big damn deal and what is the rush? What about being happy? In my mind happiness transcends simply being with someone else. Sure, finding the right life-long partner sounds great, but how do you know it will actually be life-long? How do you know you will actually be happy with this person? Isn't it worth the wait to find out how you work with your boyfriend or girlfriend, to be sure that you will have a marriage that actually stays strong through all of life's many trials?
I would like to see what my boyfriend is like after all of the initial gushy, lovey-dovey behavior has faded. Don't get me wrong, I love it. I love the insane amount of sex we have and I love how he thinks I am the greatest and most beautiful girl in the world. He takes me out and treats me like a queen. I would LOVE for this behavior to continue forever, what girl wouldn't wish for that? The reality is, not many couples stay in the honeymoon phase. Hell, not many couples have that much sex. So what am I waiting for?
Fight!
The beautiful thing about fighting is the opportunity afterward for compromise, humility, forgiveness and sacrifice. You get to see how your significant other settles conflict, you get to find out what kind of communication happens. Don't get me wrong, I do not go looking for fights and I actually hate them, but in the hopefully rare times I disagree or fight with my boyfriend I see a real side of him. Sometimes it is he who sees a real side of me. Apologies are said, compromises are made and sometimes it is as simple as bad timing. If we still love each other after hating each other's guts (temporarily), then I know I have a winner.
I want to work to build a strong relationship with my boyfriend and this act of "building" takes time. How long? Who knows, it may take a few years but if we ever decide to say "I do," I will be confident knowing he and I did our research. Since I cannot predict the future or the "work" ahead, I do not see the point in picturing us walking down the aisle, feeding each other a wedding cake, or going on a honeymoon to Barbados.
Authentically: Realistic
I have been harassed by relatives about settling down for a month now. Why is marriage the goal? What is the big damn deal and what is the rush? What about being happy? In my mind happiness transcends simply being with someone else. Sure, finding the right life-long partner sounds great, but how do you know it will actually be life-long? How do you know you will actually be happy with this person? Isn't it worth the wait to find out how you work with your boyfriend or girlfriend, to be sure that you will have a marriage that actually stays strong through all of life's many trials?
I would like to see what my boyfriend is like after all of the initial gushy, lovey-dovey behavior has faded. Don't get me wrong, I love it. I love the insane amount of sex we have and I love how he thinks I am the greatest and most beautiful girl in the world. He takes me out and treats me like a queen. I would LOVE for this behavior to continue forever, what girl wouldn't wish for that? The reality is, not many couples stay in the honeymoon phase. Hell, not many couples have that much sex. So what am I waiting for?
Fight!
The beautiful thing about fighting is the opportunity afterward for compromise, humility, forgiveness and sacrifice. You get to see how your significant other settles conflict, you get to find out what kind of communication happens. Don't get me wrong, I do not go looking for fights and I actually hate them, but in the hopefully rare times I disagree or fight with my boyfriend I see a real side of him. Sometimes it is he who sees a real side of me. Apologies are said, compromises are made and sometimes it is as simple as bad timing. If we still love each other after hating each other's guts (temporarily), then I know I have a winner.
I want to work to build a strong relationship with my boyfriend and this act of "building" takes time. How long? Who knows, it may take a few years but if we ever decide to say "I do," I will be confident knowing he and I did our research. Since I cannot predict the future or the "work" ahead, I do not see the point in picturing us walking down the aisle, feeding each other a wedding cake, or going on a honeymoon to Barbados.
Authentically: Realistic
2.20.2010
The Home Field Advantage
I ran into my ex last November at a show, where I was drunk, most of the people there were my friends and the band playing was a band I introduced him to. It was helpful that he looked totally unattractive and his girlfriend (8 years his junior), usually pretty, looked like she was 12. I was hot, dancing and having a great time and guys bought me drinks all night, then I got laid. It was quite the triumphant night.
A couple nights ago was quite different. I arrived late to a concert of a group I auditioned for but didn't make it into. Not only was the new girlfriend in it, the TV outside the hall had her face on it the whole time. She was flawless, beautiful. Seeing her face made me ill.
It is probably important to mention that my ex broke up with me because he didn't want to be in an interracial marriage. I could go on about how it ripped me apart, how I couldn't look in the mirror, etc. but that is not what this post is about. More than six months later, I was shedding tears.
Perhaps because this time, I was on her turf...
I felt lonely and like a loser. I felt all of those feelings of rejection again. I escaped the hall as soon as the conductor took his last bow. Two nights later I had a vivid sex dream with my ex in it. I am feeling inconfident and not good enough all over again. He is back in my head but this time I don't think it will last too long. The next time I see him sober it will be easier. It was a necessary painful experience, and in retrospect it didn't last too long, like ripping off a band-aid...made of duct tape.
Next time it will not matter where we run into eachother or how drunk or sober I am, it will not always be like this. I really believe that.
Authentically: Hopeful
A couple nights ago was quite different. I arrived late to a concert of a group I auditioned for but didn't make it into. Not only was the new girlfriend in it, the TV outside the hall had her face on it the whole time. She was flawless, beautiful. Seeing her face made me ill.
It is probably important to mention that my ex broke up with me because he didn't want to be in an interracial marriage. I could go on about how it ripped me apart, how I couldn't look in the mirror, etc. but that is not what this post is about. More than six months later, I was shedding tears.
Perhaps because this time, I was on her turf...
I felt lonely and like a loser. I felt all of those feelings of rejection again. I escaped the hall as soon as the conductor took his last bow. Two nights later I had a vivid sex dream with my ex in it. I am feeling inconfident and not good enough all over again. He is back in my head but this time I don't think it will last too long. The next time I see him sober it will be easier. It was a necessary painful experience, and in retrospect it didn't last too long, like ripping off a band-aid...made of duct tape.
Next time it will not matter where we run into eachother or how drunk or sober I am, it will not always be like this. I really believe that.
Authentically: Hopeful
2.14.2010
Friends Don't Fuck
I suppose there are several ways to respond to someone you have had meaningless sex with. You could either choose to never see this person again, be friends with this person, be weird around this person or a combination of the latter two. The last guy I slept with chose the latter two. It was not fun. I don't think I would ever want to be in a relationship with this guy, but hearing him talk about other girls and seeing him actively ignoring me was bothersome. I was emotionally attached and his avoiding me felt like rejection. If he didn't avoid me I might still be okay with casual sex, so it may just be this one guy. Then again, I could also choose to never have sex outside of a relationship and avoid this feeling altogether.
I vow not to ever sleep with this guy again. Every time he comes into town I sleep with him. The unfortunate thing is, afterward, he isn't comfortable around me. We're not really friends. We never gave each other a chance to be friends because of the sex. I sincerely hope this changes. I will always be thankful to him for helping me restore my confidence after my boyfriend left me, but the awkwardness has to stop. I no longer wish to put myself in a position to be rejected in this way, so the casual sex cruise will need to sail out of my personal revolution.
Authentically: Remorseful
I vow not to ever sleep with this guy again. Every time he comes into town I sleep with him. The unfortunate thing is, afterward, he isn't comfortable around me. We're not really friends. We never gave each other a chance to be friends because of the sex. I sincerely hope this changes. I will always be thankful to him for helping me restore my confidence after my boyfriend left me, but the awkwardness has to stop. I no longer wish to put myself in a position to be rejected in this way, so the casual sex cruise will need to sail out of my personal revolution.
Authentically: Remorseful
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