I'm sad to say my latest relationship has ended. It ended about two months ago.
I began to write an emotional account of what happened, but I erased it all. I remembered one of my old professors in college saying, "Focus on the solution, rather than the problem." So rather than a novel about the demise of me and my boyfriend and how torn I was, I offer to write the 10 best ways I have learned to get over a breakup.
1. Cry. Don't try to "be strong," feel what you feel when you want to feel it. You get a "cry when you want" FREE card for at least the first couple of months, depending on the length of relationship or the severity of the split.
2. Have a support system. Your mom, a friend or a roommate. Just have someone in your life (that you are not "full of shit" to) that you can always call or see. Call a therapist or counselor if you don't already have one. This helps take the heat off your loved ones and for the love of God-don't unravel on your favorite online social network ESPECIALLY if your ex or any of his friends are on there. His ego is not the one that needs boosting!
3. Get busy. You have a lot of emotions that you used to channel toward someone who isn't there for you anymore. Volunteer or do community service. In the end you will not only feel great for doing a good deed, but this may also help put your life into better perspective.
4. Clean your room. Not half way. Not everything clean except your desk. Clean your entire room. You have no chance of escaping the chaos that is your life when you wake up in chaos everyday. Organize everything, rearrange the furniture, buy houseplants or flowers, get new bed sheets/pillows, get new wall art or rearrange what you have.
5. Buy new lingerie, do your hair, shave your legs, buy a new perfume, make your face look nice (better skin regimen or makeup), wear great shoes ALWAYS, wear interesting accessories, always put together a great outfit, etc. This is NOT for the next guy. This is for you. It is nice to step out of the house knowing you are hot stuff.
6. Angry much? Channel your anger into physical activity. Run, swim, go to a spin class, try kickboxing (a post-breakup favorite), etc. Avoid allowing that anger to go toward your friends and family, especially the ones who will love you no matter how awful you are to them. Those wonderful people in your life do not deserve ill treatment, take it out on the pavement! Put the "move" in "move on."
7. Have perspective. Remember, it takes two to end a relationship. Find out where both parties did a great job in the time you both were together, find where both parties messed up. Use this information to shape your standards for yourself as well as the next guy who comes along.
8. Having a bottle of your favorite liquor or wine on hand is perfectly okay. Drinking PLUS calling or seeing your ex? Not okay. This extends to Facebook and stalking.
9. Your sex drive may go through the roof. You may choose to click the mouse or get a vibrator (if you have no moral objection to these things), etc. Avoid having one-night stands and rebound relationships until you are truly mentally stable. Even if you are mentally stable, don't you deserve better than a one-night stand? Yes you do. (though I'm not judging)
10. Now is NOT the time to be friends with your ex. Take him off your social websites, pack away all of his gifts and memories for now (store them at a friend's house so you are not tempted to look) Give yourself time to be back on your feet, back to 100%. After YOU are better, then you may gradually invite your ex back into your life. You may find after all of this time you can't be friends and that is okay also. Some exes just can't be friends.
BONUS!
Lastly (this is the most important advice I have to give), ask yourself, "What if I were to be single for the rest of my life?" Seriously. What would you do to be happy today? What would you do to be happy tomorrow, the rest of the week, the month or the year? Make plans to be happy! Please, for the love of God, don't walk around looking for a guy that completes you or the guy you feel fulfills your life. Relationships SHOULD BE for the sole purpose of enhancing what is already a great life! The sooner one acquires this attitude, the better.
The unavoidable? Loneliness. It happens from time to time. No one is superhuman to this, it is a natural feeling. The best way to combat this is with good friends and family, planned activities, pets, new trades, new environments, etc.
Authentically: On the mend
9.21.2011
3.02.2011
Retrospective: Red Lipstick
The first time I ever wore red lipstick, I got laid.
The very second that tube of MAC lipstick touched my lips I became someone else. Someone more confident, sexy, irresistable-someone who could catch any guy of her choosing. Red lipstick, my very own version of Clark Kent's phone booth.
Years ago, long before I would ever dare wear any color on my lips (let alone RED), I questioned my best friend about why she would ever wear such a bright red over her brown skin. I would always say, "I could never wear that color." She replied, "I think it's all in the attitude."
Ding! Ding! Ding!
"...IT'S ALL IN THE ATTITUDE."
She was right. I went shopping and once I got the right shade it was only a matter of believing I looked great in it. It helped that the lovely makeup artist at MAC was so complimentary.
"You could turn a gay man straight right now." -Blaine (MAC artist)
Why did this work? Red lipstick doesn't work for everyone. Some are alluring with barely any makeup at all. This could not have simply been about the lips.
Months later, after much thought I realized I was right, the red lipstick was nothing but icing on the cake. It worked because I knew I was fun, smart and beautiful. It worked because I knew I had great hair and a unique fashion sense. It worked because I only went out to have fun with my friends, meet new people and experience life. No agendas, no expectations. I was already a really, really good cake.
...and then, you know, boys like icing with their cake.
The red lipstick was an elegant bow on a nice gift, but not the gift itself. I remember an attitude I harbored before I met my ex-boyfriend and after we split up. I would tell myself, "I may not find the man of my dreams for the rest of my life. I must consider that as a possibility." I asked myself, "What if I that was to be true? What would I do for myself to be happy today? For the rest of the week? The month? The year? The rest of my life?"
It was usually after these evaluations that I would really take care of myself, do things for myself, make great plans for myself. I believe this is also what made me attractive to the next couple of guys. Oddly enough, I have been fortunate to have landed a significant relationship every time I treated myself this way.
As for the lipstick, it still works. I am in a meaningful relationship and I love my boyfriend, but it is nice to know I can still turn heads.
Authentically: Workin' it
The very second that tube of MAC lipstick touched my lips I became someone else. Someone more confident, sexy, irresistable-someone who could catch any guy of her choosing. Red lipstick, my very own version of Clark Kent's phone booth.
Years ago, long before I would ever dare wear any color on my lips (let alone RED), I questioned my best friend about why she would ever wear such a bright red over her brown skin. I would always say, "I could never wear that color." She replied, "I think it's all in the attitude."
Ding! Ding! Ding!
"...IT'S ALL IN THE ATTITUDE."
She was right. I went shopping and once I got the right shade it was only a matter of believing I looked great in it. It helped that the lovely makeup artist at MAC was so complimentary.
"You could turn a gay man straight right now." -Blaine (MAC artist)
Why did this work? Red lipstick doesn't work for everyone. Some are alluring with barely any makeup at all. This could not have simply been about the lips.
Months later, after much thought I realized I was right, the red lipstick was nothing but icing on the cake. It worked because I knew I was fun, smart and beautiful. It worked because I knew I had great hair and a unique fashion sense. It worked because I only went out to have fun with my friends, meet new people and experience life. No agendas, no expectations. I was already a really, really good cake.
...and then, you know, boys like icing with their cake.
The red lipstick was an elegant bow on a nice gift, but not the gift itself. I remember an attitude I harbored before I met my ex-boyfriend and after we split up. I would tell myself, "I may not find the man of my dreams for the rest of my life. I must consider that as a possibility." I asked myself, "What if I that was to be true? What would I do for myself to be happy today? For the rest of the week? The month? The year? The rest of my life?"
It was usually after these evaluations that I would really take care of myself, do things for myself, make great plans for myself. I believe this is also what made me attractive to the next couple of guys. Oddly enough, I have been fortunate to have landed a significant relationship every time I treated myself this way.
As for the lipstick, it still works. I am in a meaningful relationship and I love my boyfriend, but it is nice to know I can still turn heads.
Authentically: Workin' it
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